Do you still have your period?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize
