sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
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