tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
