God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i wish my penis had a tongue
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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