I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
vagina is talking i cant
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
