There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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