It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
