Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
