He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
