We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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