My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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