You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
