mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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