Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
