Swine flu. Run for my life!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
