I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Panties = found
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
