Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Randomize
