he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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