Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
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I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
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When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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