Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize