lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
