32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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