I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize