My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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