i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
