Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
vagina is talking i cant
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
