The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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