Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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