Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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