I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
