I wanna bring you to show and tell
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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