I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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