This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
