theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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