I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
