So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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