I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
