All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
