found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
