i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
