i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
