The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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