it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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