Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
