They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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