I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
