Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
