Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
