i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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