Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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