i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
