god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
