thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
