I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
