ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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