Just fell off a train. Bad.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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