i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
