you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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