also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
