She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
