She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
