What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
