I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
