Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My dick has a subreddit
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
