everyone is single if you try hard enough
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
