now i know why i became what i already was.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
