clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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