I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
