marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
