My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
it's great music for shaving your balls
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
3 2 1 whiskey
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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