wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I think my fart just growled at me.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
