yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
