we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
