he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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