dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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