We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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