But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
